So most chicks have a best friend, right? Usually that someone is another girl. Someone that they cry on, rant to, shop with, and other girlie shit.
Well, for the last ten years, give or take a year, that person for me was a guy. This guy was someone that I got really close to in a short period of time.
It's weird. He is not like me very much. He is very picky, moody, goal-oriented, and most of all, he listens. I could tell him anything, no matter how gross or crazy. I could be 100% myself around him. We could sit and talk for hours or just drive around in silence. I thought he would be my best friend forever.
But a couple of years ago he started secretly dating this chick. It was a very taboo relationship, so he chose not to talk about it until he could really be open about it. So for I think about a year our conversations (when he had time for them) centered around my life, stress, issues, etc. We talked about his shit rarely. When he did talk about the relationship, all he ever told me was the bad stuff. All I got to see was how she mad him feel guilty about his past, worthless about his future. By the time they were able to be out as a couple without reprocussions, I hated her. I thought she was terrible for him. And worse yet, he had convinced me that he really didn't care about her that much.
Ha! Stupid me. They have now been together for a couple years. I get to talk to him maybe once a month. When we do talk it is a brief hi! how are you? I'm really busy, I'll call you back.
I have felt him slipping away for a long time now. It really hurts me not to have him in my life. Sometimes I think he is the only person who understands me. I understood him completely, now I don't even know him. She has made him change who he is. A guy who used to be adventurous and liked to make the best with what he had, had now become someone who comes off as snobby, too good for his old life, and worse yet, someone who seems embarassed to be my friend.
I've known for a long time now that I wasn't his best friend anymore. But it really just dawned on me that I finally feel like he isn't mine either anymore. I don't even try to call him anymore when something great happens, I got sick of sharing my happiness with his voicemail. I don't call him when something bad happens or I am upset, he never answers anyway.. i don't leave messages on his voicemail, he never calls me back. I don't stop to see him when I'm close by, he doesn't have time for me.
But the worst part about it all is that I made him the Godfather of my children. I never in a million years thought that he wouldn't be in their lives. But here we are and they barely know him. I really believed that we would be friends well into middle age or even old age.
I miss him terribly. And I hope somewhere deep down in his soul he misses me too.
Well, for the last ten years, give or take a year, that person for me was a guy. This guy was someone that I got really close to in a short period of time.
It's weird. He is not like me very much. He is very picky, moody, goal-oriented, and most of all, he listens. I could tell him anything, no matter how gross or crazy. I could be 100% myself around him. We could sit and talk for hours or just drive around in silence. I thought he would be my best friend forever.
But a couple of years ago he started secretly dating this chick. It was a very taboo relationship, so he chose not to talk about it until he could really be open about it. So for I think about a year our conversations (when he had time for them) centered around my life, stress, issues, etc. We talked about his shit rarely. When he did talk about the relationship, all he ever told me was the bad stuff. All I got to see was how she mad him feel guilty about his past, worthless about his future. By the time they were able to be out as a couple without reprocussions, I hated her. I thought she was terrible for him. And worse yet, he had convinced me that he really didn't care about her that much.
Ha! Stupid me. They have now been together for a couple years. I get to talk to him maybe once a month. When we do talk it is a brief hi! how are you? I'm really busy, I'll call you back.
I have felt him slipping away for a long time now. It really hurts me not to have him in my life. Sometimes I think he is the only person who understands me. I understood him completely, now I don't even know him. She has made him change who he is. A guy who used to be adventurous and liked to make the best with what he had, had now become someone who comes off as snobby, too good for his old life, and worse yet, someone who seems embarassed to be my friend.
I've known for a long time now that I wasn't his best friend anymore. But it really just dawned on me that I finally feel like he isn't mine either anymore. I don't even try to call him anymore when something great happens, I got sick of sharing my happiness with his voicemail. I don't call him when something bad happens or I am upset, he never answers anyway.. i don't leave messages on his voicemail, he never calls me back. I don't stop to see him when I'm close by, he doesn't have time for me.
But the worst part about it all is that I made him the Godfather of my children. I never in a million years thought that he wouldn't be in their lives. But here we are and they barely know him. I really believed that we would be friends well into middle age or even old age.
I miss him terribly. And I hope somewhere deep down in his soul he misses me too.
No comments:
Post a Comment